No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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