Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
