I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
