Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
