We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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