I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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