just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
