Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
