The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
