He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
