Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
