It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
