"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
