i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think i got beer on your cat.
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