this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
