Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I fill condoms, not promises.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
