Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
