Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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