I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
