yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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