College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
