So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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