i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
