so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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