I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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