oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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