I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
