I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
