I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
