Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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