We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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