did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
