i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
