Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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