i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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