so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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