I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
