The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
