So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
