he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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