Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
