belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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