He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
