are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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