rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They have beer where we have blood.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
