I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
