This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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