Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
