so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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