He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He better not be in your backpack
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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