Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
