k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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